Animal Jokes

A preacher went to buy a parrot and asked - "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?"
The salesman said, "Oh no, it's a religious parrot," "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the Lord's Prayer, and when you pull on the left, he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "What happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall, you stupid fool!" answered the parrot.
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Maggie, a dog who had worked with police investigation team, applied for vacancy in the FBI. He went and met the HR. The HR said, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Maggie sat on the typewriter and typed 80 words per minute. Then HR asked "you must pass a physical test and complete the obstacle course." Again, Maggie did well in the round. Then HR asked, there's one last requirement," "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
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Andrew was walking on road. He saw two hearse's followed by a man, his dog and a single file line of about 50 men. Puzzled, Andrew asked the guy about two hearses. The man replied, "That's my wife in the first hearse, my dog bit her and she died".
Andrew said, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, what about the second hearse?"
The guy said "Well that's my mother-in-law, my dog bit her also and she died too."
Andrew thought for a minute and asked, "Can I borrow your dog?".
The guy with the dog responded, "Stand in the line behind me!"
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Two donkeys were talking about their owners.
The first one said, "My owner is so harassing, he beats me often."
Second donkey: Why do not you leave your owner?
First donkey: I was thinking about the same. But, he has a very good looking daughter. And, whenever she does some mischievous acts, he says that he will get her married to some donkey?and, I am just waiting for that to happen.
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There were three rats, well spoiled eating government grain. Once they were sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first rat: "I'm so tough, once I ate a bagful of rat poison!"
The second rat: "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
The third rat: "Later guys. It's my time to harass the cat."
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Denis, a Psychiatrist, to his patient Menace: What's your problem?
Menace: I think I'm a chicken.
Denis the Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Menace: Since I was an egg!
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Jacky, a blind man, had a dog. They were sitting on a bench waiting their bus. The dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.
A fellow sitting near Jacky said, "That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"
Jacky the blind replied, "Dear, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so that I can kick him."
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Ritchie went to salesman and said: "When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn?t go near them!"
Salesman retorted: "Well, isn?t that good for the mice?"
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