Blonde Jokes

Alice (a blonde) was sitting with her boyfriend. They both were watching the 9 o'clock news, where a man was shown threatening to jump from the Twin-Towers. The excited blonde bet her boyfriend $50 that the person wouldn't jump. Her boyfriend amusingly accepted the bet. After sometime?.the person jumped, so the blonde gave her boyfriend the $50 she owned. Her boyfriend replied, "I can't take this, you're my girlfriend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." The surprised boyfriend replied, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
There were four blondes in jungle. When they were returning, they came across a set of tracks. Amazed with the track, the first blonde opined that, "The track must be of donkeys." The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are monkey tracks." The fourth blonde saw them all arguing and the coming train hitting them head to toe. She was still confused 'what kind of tracks were these'?
A blonde, on the verge of bankruptcy, sees God as the only hope. She prays to God for help - "God, please help me. I've lost my business and I need some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lottery." Lotto night comes and goes, and somebody else wins it. The desperate blonde prays again - "God, please let me win the Lottery! I've lost my business, my house and now, I'm going to lose my car as well." This time too, she was unlucky, and someone else won the Lottery. She again prayed - "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. I have always been a good servant to you. Please let me win the Lottery just this one time so I can save the life of my kids. Suddenly, there was a flash of light and there emerged the God. God said to amazed blonde, "Sweetheart, please work with me on this. Go and ... Buy a ticket"
An Atlantis Air plane was carrying blondes to New York. The plane, so far, had covered two hours' journey. Suddenly, the pilot got on the intercom and said, "We just lost an engine, but it is all right we have three more. However, it will take us an hour longer." A half hour later, the pilots again got on the intercom said, "We just lost another engine, but we have two more. It will take us another half hour though. One of the most puzzled blonde said, "If we lose the two last engines, we will be up here all day."
There were three persons - a blonde a brunette and a redhead. They all were running from the cops. They hid on a potato farm, crawling into some potato bags. The first cop poked the bag with the brunette in it. She said, "Meow." The cop felt that it is just a cat. The second cop poked the bag with the redhead in it. She said, "Woof." The cop believed it to be a dog. The third cop poked the bag with the blonde in it. She said in her sweetest voice, "Potato."
A blonde was waiting at a cross walk for the light to change. She was puzzled as she had to wait quite a lot. She wearingly asked, "Why the signal was buzzing." A person nearby told her that it was to let blind people know when the light was red. She angrily, asked, "What in the world are blind people doing driving?"
A blonde, who could not get proper sleep for weeks, went to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." Doctor was happy as he wanted to test new medicines on sleeping disorder and she seemed as the right person for that. He said, "I have good news for you", showing a drawer full of sample medications, "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Amazing," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few days passed. The doctor was happy that his medication was working well on the blonde. After a week, the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" The puzzled doctor said, "I don't understand how that could be", shaking his head, "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" The blonde replied, "That may be true. But I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one, it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
A blonde was severely in bankruptcy. She needed quick cash. So, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local school at break time, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." On the kidnapping note, she wrote, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $100,000 in a paper bag and leave it near the school building. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The day passed and she went to the school building, where she had asked for money delivery. A paper bag was lying there, on the ground. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $100,000, with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
A blonde named Celia went to a doctor, with two badly burned ears for treatment. The doctor asked, "What happened" The blonde said, "Well, my husband was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV. He put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron." The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the blonde, "that the phone rang again."
Robert, a police officer, stops a blonde for over-speeding and asks her very politely if he could see her license. She wearily replies, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Yesterday, you take away my license and today, you expect me to show it to you."