Christmas Jokes

Son asks Dad: "Dad, why is it that Santa is a man?"
Dad to Son: "Because, no woman in the world is going to wear the same outfit year after year."
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Celia prayed to Santa: Beloved Santa Claus, please listen to my prayer. If near my home on Christmas Eve, leave just one present there. It isn?t for myself I ask, But only for another. Please leave a handsome son-in-law, for Dad & Mother."
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Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents, the week before Christmas. At bedtime, they knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I pray for a new bicycle!"
"I pray for a new Nintendo!"
"I pray for a new VCR!"
His older brother leaned over, nudged the younger brother and said,
?Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandmother is!"
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A lady lost her purse in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, ?Hmmm?. That?s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $50 bill in it. Now there are fifty $1 bills?
The boy quickly replied, ?That?s right, lady. The last time I found a lady?s purse; she didn?t have change for a reward.?
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It was the day after Christmas at a church in California. The pastor was looking over the cradle when he noticed that baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Instantly, he turned, went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon. In the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
The pastor walked up to the boy and asked, "Well, where you got Him, my little brother?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus that if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."
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Sarah asked her Sunday school class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Anita's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked her which story it was meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt," she replied
Sarah asked Anita, "I see. And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot," replied Anita.
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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
"The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
"Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yes, indeed." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."
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After an accident, three dead souls find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
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It was Christmas and the judge was in a jolly mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
The convict replied, "Before the store opened."
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Celia went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" asked the clerk
"Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?" said Maria, "Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please."
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