Football Jokes

David Beckham was tired after playing continuously. Weary and exhausted, he started feeling that his wife Posh was having an affair with someone. In rage, he went out and bought a gun. He rushed home to confront his wife and found her in bed with none other than Michael Oven.
Devastated, Beckham took out the gun and pointed it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cried and jumped up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"You shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replied. "You're next."
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David Beckham was tired after playing continuously. Weary and exhausted, he started feeling that his wife Posh was having an affair with someone. In rage, he went out and bought a gun. He rushed home to confront his wife and found her in bed with none other than Michael Oven.
Devastated, Beckham took out the gun and pointed it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cried and jumped up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"You shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replied. "You're next."
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Denis Barograph was a famous footballer. His club lost the match against Manchester United. He was drunk and reached his home at midnight. He lay on the bed for few minutes and cut a fart. His wife woke up and asked, "What in the world was that?"
He replied, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She though about fixing her husband and let one loose.
He yelled at her, "What was that?"
She replied "Touchdown, tie score."
Denis became revengeful, and thought to fix his wife. He spitted on the bed.
The wife asked, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
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Desmond, a football player, though good in game, was not a good student. He was known for his stupidity in the school. He sat beside a really smart boy in class. The teacher knew that he was cheating, but he just couldn't catch him.
One day she was grading a test and noticed that the smart boy had written "I don't know the answer" on number 10.
She looked at the jock's paper and smiled. He had finally given himself away. His answer looked like this: "10. Me neither".
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Three persons - a Manchester United fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Bug Eater were sentenced for doing bank robbery. The Judge had confided for electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived, they were free to go.
The Manchester United fan went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no. They pressed the button and nothing happened. So, he was free to go.
The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and they pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.
The Chelsea was the next to go. And he too was asked he had any last wish.
He replied, "I think if you plug the chair in, it'll work better."
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A Manchester United fan and a Chelsea fan collide in a huge accident, on the way to California. Both cars were a wreck, but both men were unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends." says the Manchester fan.
"I agree," replied the Chelsea one.
The Manchester fan then returned to the wreckage and found a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look," he said to the Chelsea fan, "This must be another sign from God. We should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He handed the bottle over to the Chelsea fan, who took a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Manchester fan, who then put the top back on and returned the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the Chelsea fan.
"No," replied the Manchester fan, "I think I will wait till the police get here."
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