Kids Jokes

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrian's Wall is?
Little Mandy: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
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Teacher: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Joe: Because there were so many knights!
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Father: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?
Stuart: Because it can't sit down!
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One student to another: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? "The food," replied the other one.
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Johnny to Celia: What kind of food do math teachers eat?
Celia: Square meals!
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Teacher: How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
Student: With their eyes shut!
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Teacher: What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Student: Floodlights!
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One friend to another, "Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!
Another friend, "Why is that?"
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!
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Mother asked school going kid: How do you like going to school?
Kid: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!
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Mr Patch: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Kid: The second one!
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Teacher: Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
Student: On their feet!
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Teacher: Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
Student: On their feet!
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Literature teacher asked, "Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?"
Student: Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
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Little Robin called school: My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary asked, "Who is this?"
Student: This is my father speaking!
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Father: When was Rome built?
Son: At night.
Father: Why did you say that?
Son: Because my teacher always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
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Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Child: How to talk without moving my lips!
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Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Little Johnny: Not very much!
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History teacher to student, "What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
Student: I don't know. I wasn't invited!
History teacher, "OK, then what did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
Student: T-Shirts! What else!
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Little Johnny came back from the school, mother asked, "What did you learn in school today"
Little Johnny: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Little Johnny: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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Nancy, the teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. Little Celia stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale cannot swallow a human, it was impossible.
Little Celia said, ?When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah?.
The teacher asked, ?What if Jonah went to hell??
Little Celia replied, ?Then, you ask him!?
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Teacher: Join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Student: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.
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Brian Murphy asked children, what do you wish to do in future?
Jack: I want to be a pilot.
Smith: I want to be a doctor.
Celia: I want to be a good mother.
Little Johnny: I want to help Celia.
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Little Johnny to his dad: I would not call you in my marriage?
Dad: 'Why won't you call me?'
The Little Johnny: 'Because you didn't call me in your marriage.''
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Jack: 'It's so cold in my town that we have to use ten blankets at night!'
Smith: 'So what... in my town, it gets so cold that we have to use at least thirty blankets!'
Little Johnny: 'That's nothing! In my town, it gets so cold that the cows give ice cream instead of milk!'
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