Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny calmingly replied, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow. "
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Little Johnny's teacher asked, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer interested?"
Little Johnny replied, "A teacher."
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Little Johnny's father asked for report card.
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not." and started working.
She heard Little Johnny running back outside and yelling to his friends, "It is okay. We can play that game again!"
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Teacher asks Little Johnny, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
Johnny: "I don't need to. They've already been named."
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The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
Alice said, "Heaven!"
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher.
"Six feet under!" yelled Little Johnny.
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The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny: "No sir, not exactly. I don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and went back to school. After sometime, his teacher phoned his mother and said that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," his mother replied, "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
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Little Johnny and his friends were bragging.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, run to the other side and catch the arrow with his hands!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and catch the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the two boys, mulled for sometime and said, "My Dad the fastest, he's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, but he's home by 3:45!"
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On day Little Johnny said to his mother "Mom, remember that vase you always worried I'd break?" "Yes. What about it?" she asked.
Little Johnny happily replied "Your worries are over!"
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One day Little Johnny says to his father: "I want to get married."
Father: "Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?"
Johnny: "Yes, my Grandma."
Father: "What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my mother?"
Johnny: "Why not? You married my mother."
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks he's stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, miss, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Little Johnny: Mom "Can you give me $100?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what Dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother happily gave him money and asked, "Well? What did he say?"
"He said - Hey Celia, could you make sure I've clean socks tomorrow."
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Little Johnny was playing church with three kittens. His mother was happy about the act?at least Johnny had become religious. He had the kittens sitting in a row and preaching them. His mother smiled and went about her work.
After sometime, she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open ground. She saw Johnny baptizing the kittens in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! Those kittens are afraid of water!"
Johnny looked at her and said... "They should have thought about that before they joined my church."
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