Naughty Jokes

A famous saying: People always say that hard work never killed anybody.
When's the last time you ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".
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Another famous saying: Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it. And, our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.
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Andrew was standing in a bus stop. A very attractive woman came from behind and said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," not remembering ever having seen her before. Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out to board a school bus.
Andrew was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then, he was happy that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Suddenly, he got a little panicky when and thought, "May be during one of the wild parties he had been to, when he was in college, he did father her child!
He boarded that bus, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's teacher.
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Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."
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Samuel to Amanda: I'm not rich like Damian, I don't even have a big car like Damian, but I really love U!
Amanda: I love u too, but tell me more about Damian.
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A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend. He selected a locket.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."
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