Redneck Jokes

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them for deer hunting. They bagged six big deer. When the hunters started to put the six deer into the plane, pilot objected that they could do this, as plane would be overloaded. At most, they could take four deer.
One of the hunters said, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six deer. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year."
Reluctantly, the pilot permitted them to put all six deer aboard and the men climbed in with their gear. When they attempted to take off and fly, the little plane could go only a little further. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" The other Redneck replied, "I think this is about 100 yards further along than the spot where we crashed last year."
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Two rednecks were moving around in city and they came across a notice board that read 'Enter here for a chance at free sex.' Being clueless about the entry, they asked the attendant. The attendant said that they have to guess a number between one and ten. The first guy guessed five.
The attendant said, "Sorry, the number is eight."
Then came second redneck, he guessed seven and the attendant said, "Sorry, the number is three."
Puzzled, they came back to their home town. One of the two rednecks said to other, "You know, I think that contest was rigged."
The second guy, the smarter of the two, replied, "Naw, it's on the up and up. My wife won twice last week."
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You Might Be A Redneck If....
Your neighbors walk on your lawn thinking you have a garage sale.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
You prefer to cut the excess length of your jeans rather that hemming them.
You see a sign "Say no to crack!' and it reminds you to pull up your jeans.
You carry a can of paint to defend your sisters' honor.
Your father walks you to school because you are in the same grade.
You go to the family reunion to meet women.
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A Redneck goes into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up in surprise. Meanwhile, bartender comes up and asks," You ain't from around here, are you... where are you from, boy?"
The Redneck says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the hell you do in Iowa?"
The Redneck responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The Redneck answers, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
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A female gorilla in a zoo became wild as she was "in the mood". The zoo veterinarian said that female gorilla was in heat. Situation was worse as there was no male gorilla. Zoo officials saw a Redneck working in the zoo.
The Redneck, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. The park administrators thought they might have a solution and went to meet Redneck and offered him $500 to have sex with the gorilla.
However, the Redneck put three conditions in front of authorities to perform the act. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The zoo authorities quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was. "Well," said the Redneck, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."
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A Redneck boy accidentally overturned his wagon that was full of corn.
Another Redneck heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Sobu, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
Sobu said, "That is fine but, I don't think my Pa would like me to."
"Aw, come on Sob," the Redneck insisted.
The boy finally agreed, and added, "But my Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Sobu thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad."
"Don't be foolish!" the Redneck said. "By the way, where is your Dad?"
"Under the wagon." Was the reply from the Redneck boy.
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On a busy road, a Redneck collapsed due to overheat. Soon after the collapse, a crowd gathered and began offering suggestions.
An old lady suggested," Give the poor man a drink of whiskey,"
"Give him some air," a man cried out.
The old women again insisted, "Give him some whiskey,"
The Redneck suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?"
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When an injured Redneck reached police station, the police officer asked him why his cousin shot him.
"Well," The Redneck started, "We were having a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, "Hey, do you fellows want to go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," The Redneck said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
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