Religion Jokes

Once, a Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along a Boulevard lane. They were discoursing on various issues of theology. Suddenly, they saw the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him.
The Dominican was the first to come forward. He knelt and adored the reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family.
The Franciscan was not far behind. He came and was overcome with awe at the sight of God born in such poverty.
The Jesuit, who was seeing all this came in and reached to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, "So, dude, thinking of sending the kid to school?"
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Madonna, Al Gore, and LN Mittal all died in a plane crash. They reached St Peter's office. St Peter started deciding whom to send where?
He asked, Madonna, "Tell me about your deeds on earth"
Madonna: I was born as orphan, achieved a lot and did many things for underprivileged.
St Peter said, " I like your deeds, come and sit at my left side".
Next came Al Gore. The same question was asked to him. Al Gore said that he has done a lot to earth. Global warming is under control and human can live another 100 years on earth.
St Peter responded, "I like the way you think, come and sit at my right side".
St Peter saw that LN Mittal was becoming restless. He asked, "Mr Mittal what is your problem?"
Mittal responded, "I think you are sitting in my chair".
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There was a celebration in a Christian school. Some children were lined up in the cafeteria for a lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only one. God is watching."
There was another table full of chocolates and cookies and toffees. Little Lucy placed a card on it, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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Mary watched her dad, a pastor, writing a sermon every day. She could not stop her curiosity and one day, she asked her dad, "How do you know what to say?"
Pastor dad, "God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
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An engineer died. He was taken to heaven. However, later on, it was realized that there was a mistake and he would have to be sent to hell.
Engineer was not happy with the living condition of hell. He started working on infrastructure. He erected great buildings, installed ACs in rooms, water supply, hygiene, and life in hell became really exciting.
One day, St Peter called up Satan and asked how life was going on in hell. Satan: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
St Peter said, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan: "What nonsense." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
St Peter said, "Satan, you have to understand that, send him to heaven or I will sue you"
Satan laughed uproariously and replied, "We have all the lawyers here!"
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