Stupid Jokes

A bulky young man goes into a bar with a salamander on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because, he's MY salamander!"
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A young and beautiful blonde was on board a small two seater plane, with her boyfriend. She suddenly saw that her boyfriend has died. Not knowing how to fly a plane, she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Peter, who is looking after Ground control, receives her call for help, thinks for a moment and says, "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position"
The blond said, "I'm 5'2'' and sitting in the front."
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A new clerk was given the duty to help a judge. He was also expected to give the judge a hot cup of coffee in the morning. Every morning, the judge became infuriated when the coffee cup was brought to him just 2/3 full.
The judge rebuked clerk many times, but to no avail. One day he threatened the clerk that if he brings 2/3 coffee, his 1/3 salary would be deducted. Miraculously, thereafter, the judge gets a full cup of coffee everyday. The judge couldn?t resist gloating over his success and asking, how the clerk manages full cup coffee.
The clerk told judge, ?Oh, there?s not much to i. I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.?
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A blonde thinks of doing some business and produce something from her labor. She plans a chicken farm and buys a hundred chickens to get it running. A month later, she returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot has died. Another month passes and she's back at the dealer for another hundred chickens.
The dealer could not stop asking her what she does with so many chickens, and is there any problem.
The blonde said, "I think I know where I'm going wrong. I'm planting them too deep."
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Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided it by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.
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"Is that you, Larry?"
"Yes, this is Larry."
"Are you sure this is Larry."
"Yes I'm sure, this is Larry!"
"This is Pete... can you lend me twenty dollars?"
"I'll tell Larry when he comes in."
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