There was a guy called Herman, who went for military recruitment. He passed all the rounds, except the physical one.
Recruitment officer asked Herman, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?
Herman said, "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir.
Recruitment officer asked: "And what does your father do?
Herman retorted, "He's in the Army, sir."
A navy guy went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting. He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine. The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs 270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The navy guy said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
During World War II, changing of caps among mercenaries was common. A mercenary - G?nter, from Germany, was recruited to fight for Russia. He was getting training. One day, the Russian Commander called him up.
Gunter: "Ja, Herr Kommandant!"
Commander: "If you meet an American and a Russian soldier, vich vun vill you kill?"
Gunter: "Ze Russian!"
Commander: "No, you dumkopf! If I vere you, I vould kill ze American!"
Gunter: "See, Herr Kommandant, you still leave me za Russian?"
A marine and an army guy were at a public restroom. The marine finished first and washed his hands. The army guy just walked to the exit. The Marine was surprised to see the army guy walking like this. So he asked to him, "Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
The army man said, "In army, we are taught not to piss on our hands,"
An Indian army officer was shouting at his drunk Gurkha soldier!
The Officer: "Bahadur! You drunk donkey! If you wouldn't drink that much Desi, you could be captain! "
Bahadur: "Yes, Major. You know, last time I drank 4 times as much and I felt like a general!"
Edwin was working in a media house. One day, he reached his office early in the morning and was caught by his boss kissing the receptionist. The angry boss asked, "Is this what you get paid for?"
Edwin replied, "No sir, I do this for free."
A famous saying: People always say that hard work never killed anybody.
When's the last time you ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".
Andrew was standing in a bus stop. A very attractive woman came from behind and said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," not remembering ever having seen her before. Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out to board a school bus.
Andrew was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then, he was happy that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Suddenly, he got a little panicky when and thought, "May be during one of the wild parties he had been to, when he was in college, he did father her child!
He boarded that bus, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's teacher.
Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."
Samuel to Amanda: I'm not rich like Damian, I don't even have a big car like Damian, but I really love U!
Amanda: I love u too, but tell me more about Damian.
A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend. He selected a locket.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."